December 6th

My life got pretty hectic after my return from Barbados (more on that later), so I didn’t get to post this on Monday when I wanted to.


Every year December 6th rolls around and I am overwhelmed at the passage of time. It has been 21 years since the massacre at Poly in 1989. I can’t believe an entire generation has gone by since then, but I am reminded of that fact every year when I see notices going up around the U of T campus for ‘memorial services’ for the fourteen women who lost their lives that day, and realize that most of the students walking by were not even born at that time.

Fourteen women whose lives were cut short and whose loss is still felt:

Geneviève Bergeron
Hélène Colgan
Nathalie Croteau
Barbara Daigneault
Anne-Marie Edward
Maud Haviernick
Maryse Laganière
Maryse Leclair
Anne-Marie Lemay
Sonia Pelletier
Michèle Richard
Annie St-Arneault
Annie Turcotte
Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz


I was university student at McGill the year they were killed. Most of my friends were engineers, and although I didn’t know any of these women personally, I knew several people who did. In the years since I have found that there were few degrees of separation between people my age in Montreal at that time and these women. It was never hard to find someone who knew one of them. In some ways the massacre was the most important event in the life of my hometown to have occurred in my lifetime.

Which is why I find I cannot attend ‘memorial’ services here in Toronto for these women. There are very few, if any, people in attendance who were even born when these women were killed. Fewer were living in Montreal at the time. Fewer who had any personal experience with the loss of these fourteen women. Instead, people of good intention have taken their deaths and made memorializing them into something more – with a very broad brush, their deaths have now become symbols of man’s violence against all women.


I don’t disagree with the need to shine a spotlight on violence against women, and the role men have played and continue to play in fostering an environment that allows this violence to take place. My problem -- and it is my problem, no one else’s – is that in using a memorial for these women to shine that much needed light, the organizers have often forgotten the fact that these were fourteen living breathing women who had incredible lives in front of them. At most of the memorials I have attended here in Toronto, these fourteen women are grouped with many other victims of violence, and become almost anonymous. There is nothing to distinguish them from all the other victims of violence. Maybe that's the point the organizers are trying to make. But that's not what I think a memorial for them should be about.

I didn’t know Genevieve or Barbara or Michèle. But their deaths had a specific impact on me and my life. I can’t go to a memorial that forgets their lives in a quest to make everyone aware of ALL of the bad things that men do to women everyday.

So, I spent a part of this December 6th remembering that day in 1989 when I heard the news of what one crazy man could do, and I hope that the people these women left behind have somehow been able to mourn and accept the loss that was forced on them.

21 years… Please remember them.

Patience

I had a lot of fun today helping out at our school's in-house tournament. Everyone put on a really great performance and I was really glad to see that many were putting into practice the lessons they had learned.

The one lesson I saw best expressed was the value of patience: knowing how to wait, to let things unfold and seize the moment when appropriate is an important lesson to learn on the mat, and it is very applicable to 'regular' life.

Too often, we are rushing through our lives, always trying to get to the next thing, always trying to get to the next level, to pass the car in front of us, to get the promotion, to land the big whale...

To be patient is hard, and actually requires confidence in yourself, and sometimes trust in others. You have to know that what you are doing is going to work, or that you will be able to adapt and correct if it goes wrong. You see this on the mat with students who have developed enough experience to start believing in their abilities, and to start to see what is happening in a sparring match. Sparring can be incredibly frightening when you first start, and to the novice will often seem to go by in the blink of an eye. But the more you do it, the more experience you gain and the more hours you put into training, the slower sparring becomes. It is very cool the day that you step into a ring, and you see what your opponent is doing, where they are going, and everything seems to be moving in slow motion.

I've seen the value of patience expressed in my personal life, as well as my professional one. It is one of the great gifts of my training, and I hope others find it as well -- and maybe I'll have a role in bringing that out.

Congrats to all the competitors today, everyone did really well.

Mastery

As part of our school's training for black belts, we are asked to read Joe Hyams' Zen in the Martial Arts. It's a great book for aspiring martial artists, and has helped many people over the years at the school.

However, I think I am going to recommend that our black belt candidates (especially the adults) also read this book by George Leonard. My main training partner for my second degree lent me his copy, which he had been given by a friend of his whose father had trained with George Leonard in California.

George Leonard was a pilot in WWII, an instructor in the US Air Force, a writer, editor and educator as well as being a fifth degree black belt in aikido. He wrote several books on education, psychology and the martial arts and died in January 2010 at the age of 86.

Mastery lays out, in a few short chapters, some fundamental principles for the development of successful traits, and lessons on how to deal with the ups and downs of a life devoted to mastery. I think its a great book not just for martial artists (although it is directed mostly at that audience), but to anyone who is interested in dedicating themselves to a lifetime of personal development. I said a lifetime of personal development because (as this book points out quite well) that's a wonderful definition of mastery.

Mastery is not a destination you get to, but rather a path that you walk. A 'master' is not accorded the respect they deserve because they can do things that others can't, but rather because they have committed themselves to achieving all that they can, and devote their lives to doing so. They also recognize that there is always something to learn, and are always willing to change and evolve.

The book illustrates the central problem of mastery -- the plateau. Everyone who has ever trained at something, or tried to improve at something eventually encounters the feeling that they are no longer getting any better: they've hit a point where they keep going at the same level, and can't seem to change or improve. They have plateaued. The book makes the argument that how different people deal with this situation is what differentiates masters from dabblers, hackers and obsessives.

I really enjoyed the book. It's not the answer to everything, and doesn't pretend to be. But for someone who is interested in walking a path that will go on for the rest of their life, it is an interesting perspective on the challenges that you will face on this journey.

Thanksgiving

Just as Fall is my favorite season, Thanksgiving has become one of my favorite holidays. Maybe it's my time living in the States, where November's Thanksgiving is such an event (compared to Canada), but I've come to appreciate the enjoyment of food and family that comes with this particular holiday. The air is just crisp enough, the leaves are on their way to full colour and the food is always the best of the year. (Usually I get to do this all again in November but not this year).

I've also grown particularly attached to the sentiment of the season. As I've grown older I have become more grateful for the blessings I have -- a wonderful wife, two incredible (and completely unique) sons, a healthy extended family, a good job, great friends, and a vocation of teaching and training that has transformed my life. So I am thankful for all my good fortune.

And as a way of showing my gratitude to the people who matter most to me, I cook for my family tonight. My son with the gourmet palate had some suggestions, and I am happy to oblige him:

Fresh Figs, Spiced Olives, Serrano Ham, Soprasetta, Cheese: (Guinness Cheddar, Stilton, Gruyere, and La Sauvagine)

Spicy fish soup with toasted croutons

Pan Roasted Duck Breast w/Apple and Cranberry Stuffing

Roasted Butternut Squash Risotto

Steamed Greens

Apple Pie (bought and borrowed, as my talents lie elsewhere)



To all those in my life who bless me with their gifts of love, joy and gratitude -- I thank you. Happy Thanksgiving.

Summer Project: Shed

Fall is by far my favorite season, and this year I get to spend some time this season reflecting on what I got accomplished this summer. Here it is:

My wife thought I was nuts. Or at least going way overboard in terms of how I built it, given its uses. To her a shed shouldn't be a massive structure occupying the backyard (of course I don't think it's really that big -- it's definitely taller than most sheds, but that's by design to make use of the vertical height for storage.) Also, and here she is quite justified, I spent way more on this then it would cost to purchase a pre-fab shed and throw it up in the back yard. But all of those that I looked at were pretty flimsy, and not worth the cost.

It's an 8'x8' structure, built on a frame of large pressure treated timbers that are elavated on 4' concrete piers set in the ground at the corners. I nailed 5/8ths t'n'g plywood overtop of the timbers for a floor and framed it with conventional 2x4's sheathed with 5/8ths t'n'g plywood. Basically I built it just like a house -- I don't think I'm ever going to get to build a house on my own, so this little project let me play carpenter one last time.

The exterior is Hardi board siding and PVC trim, painted a nice gray with Sico exterior paint. This makes the whole thing rot, mold and insect resistant, and it should look essentially the same for the next 25 years.


I framed up the floating panel doors out of scraps left over from construction and built the ramp out of pressure treated lumber and painted it with exterior floor paint.

I wrapped the pressure treated timber foundation with more PVC trim and painted that with the exterior paint, so I can push dirt, gravel or mulch up against it and not worry about rot or insects.

Inside, there is plenty of storage and I laid 16 inch square rubber tiles to keep the plywood floor clean and dry. They are much nicer to look at than dirty plywood.

Under the timber foundation I left a good air space for ventilation, and covered the area with half inch gravel and weed barrier to keep anything from growing down there. I also banged on about 8 inches of chicken wire to the bottom of the timbers around the perimeter, and buried the wire mesh to keep most critters from making a home under the shed (I didn't want anything crawling under and dying).

It took me most of the summer to get this done. I started the second week of July, and spent the better part of most weekends until Labour Day working on it. My 12 year old son helped on a few things (raising the walls, holding the plywood sheathing, putting on the house wrap, banging on the fascia, and any time I needed another set of hands.)

I am very pleased with the results and it has made a huge difference to the storage in our garage: I now have all the winter tires in the shed, all the garden tools, lawn mower, wheel barrow and space left over for the patio furniture (which used to stay outdoors all winter). I rationalize the cost (both financial, time and opportunity) knowing that this will be here for a generation.

I also get the satisfaction of knowing that I built something with care and attention, while trying to balance all the other demands on my time. This project though made me appreciate how quickly the summer can pass, and how much time with the family I sacrificed in order to build it. I've committed myself to the idea that I won't undertake any project now that will take more than one weekend to complete during the summer -- I want to focus on the family, and I think if I put as much effort into that, as I did into building this shed then we'll be pretty happy.

Belts

Belts (in the martial arts), are milestones -- not destinations.

(Belts (in fashion) are often wonderful accessories, but I'm no expert. My best friend is, so check out his blog)

I often see students at our school (and elsewhere) get very focused on their belt:

• "which one do I have?";
• "which one's next?";
• "oh! I got a black belt!";
• "I'm ready for my next belt!";
• "why didn't I get my next belt?"...

When you view your belt (and a black belt especially) as a destination, it can become an object of desire. From this perspective the belt becomes a commodity, or item to get. And this is guaranteed to eventually be a path to unhappiness... (a Buddhist tenet is that the root of all suffering is desire)

Sometimes the difficulty with language is that we don't have the words to describe what we mean. 'On the path to black belt' or 'We are a black belt school', could be taken to mean that actually getting the piece of cloth, or annually awarding a piece of cloth, means that the piece of cloth is what you want.

The truth (or my truth anyways) is much different. I believe that the study of the martial arts is a lifetime thing, an alltime thing, not a sometime thing and not 'get the next belt' kinda thing.

From this perspective, any belt (but a black belt especially) is a milestone, a mark of accomplishment, but not a destination. I can't desire it as a physical thing, because what it actually is, is a sign of my continued evolution as a person and a martial artist. Our school has many belts, for many reasons.

• They provide students with an opportunity to set goals.
• They provide instructors with some sense of what a student should (?) know.
• They provide markers for changes in curriculum, and help organize classes.

But that's all they are. What people should desire, is not an object, but the opportunity to embrace continuous change. Everytime I step on the mat, I have a chance to remake myself. I don't need a belt to remind me of that fact, and sometimes it actually interferes with it. I sometimes think that because I've been teaching at the school for three years, that people now have a hard time thinking of me as a student -- but that's ultimately what I am.

I've also noticed that more often than not, the people who view the belt as a destination, are the ones who stop showing up to train once they've got their black belt. They achieved their goal, and find it hard to put it in perspective.

My hope is that our school is a school for black belts, not one where people get pieces of cloth. But that's up to the students who train here. I know what it is that we are trying to do.

As one of my favorite instructors says "Are you a black belt, or are you some one who has a belt that is black?"...

Negative Energy

Sometimes I feel sorry for the people in the world who only have negative energy to share. Well, maybe they have positive energy, but it only seems like they want to share their negative sphere.

I pulled into a parking spot on the street behind our dojang this evening and the man playing hockey with his son on the other side of the road began to castigate me for getting too close to his bumper. I understand why it looked like I did, but I was actually quite far from it. What seemed to make things worse was the fact that I was wearing a hoodie with our club logo on it. That really upset him, as he seems to feel wronged by the increased numbers of cars that park on his street now that the dojang is next door. We've been there for almost three years, but still he holds onto his resentment and wants to lash out whenever he can. I felt sorry for him, and said I was sorry for the trouble he felt we had caused him, but he didn't want to hear it.

I can almost understand where he is coming from. We have disrupted his life, and he needs to express that frustration. Unfortunately, he has never tried to figure out a positive way of dealing with it. Hopefully he doesn't feel the need to take his hockey stick to my car the next time he sees it.

It is always easy to feel hurt, and anger and fear at the unknown, or at changes that we feel forced into. But most of the time, all that is required is for us to change our perspective on the event and we can then try and put positive energy behind it.

Maybe I will figure out something that we can do for the man to help him release these negative feelings. Most likely though, I will choose to ignore his negative waves. Who wants to live like that?

September 11 - what does it mean?

Nine years ago some very deluded individuals committed one of the worst acts of terrorism that the world has seen, and it unleashed a set of consequences that has altered our world. In 2001, I had recently moved back to Canada after six years of living in the States, and felt a really wide range of emotions in the weeks after the attack: sadness, anger, dismay, confusion at how it could have happened and oddly, a sense of disloyalty. I am not American, never really felt American, never really wanted to become an American even while living there. But I have family and friends who live, work and call the US their home and country. In the weeks after 9/11 it felt as if I had abandoned them by moving to Canada 18 months earlier. Mixed in with the sense of relief that I wasn't there, was the feeling that I should have been, to share in the experience and help my neighbours and friends.

I have watched in dismay at what I see as a downward spiral of fear, anger and hatred seizing the US over the last nine years. I've been hopeful that things will change, and hope that people there start paying attention to articles like this one that was in the Washington Post this week. I understand why and how we got to where we are in a post-9/11 world. It is the result of a superpower being deeply hurt, and lashing out in pain, fear and anger. Unfortunately, those emotions are never constructive.

I know this because I train people who want to better themselves, who do not allow fear to inhibit what they do, or want to accomplish. They do this by giving to each other the strength necessary to reach their goal, and by sharing their energy with others around them.

As to why I remain hopeful on this anniversary of a horrible day? I am a truly fortunate man, because I have a constant reminder that hope and birth conquers fear and death. September 11 is my father's birthday. No matter how the world wants to view that anniversary, I know that I will always have something to be grateful for on that day, and a reminder of hope and love, even in the face of fear and death.





But everyone should still be working on their push ups...

WTF?

What is wrong with these people?

I came to adulthood out of a Judeo-Christian (Catholic) upbringing. I've been influenced by Aristotle, Plato, Locke, Marx, Rousseau, Kant, the Buddha, Lao Tzu, Confucius and many many other spiritual and philosophical thinkers. I try and put into practice the values and ethics that my parents, family, friends, mentors and masters have taught me.

Nowhere, No one ever told me it is a good idea to burn books. Especially holy, sacred books. Especially holy, sacred books of a people whose hearts and minds we are trying to win over. Especially the holy, sacred books of a people who are my neighbours, friends and whose inclusion in society is a value in and of itself.

I really hope someone comes to their senses really soon. Oh, and to all my fellow Canadians who look at the US and think "Man they are fucked up." I have heard similar sentiments expressed in this country, and if you think it couldn't happen here, you are wrong.

Training time is fast approaching

So last May I began a training regimen mixing 3-4 morning 4k runs a week with core and body weight exercises along with a stretching program to build a base of physical fitness that would help prepare me for our school's black belt test. After about 4 months of this I dialled back the running and focused more on technical aspects of my game to ensure I had a solid understanding of my curriculum. Along the way I had to devote a large amount of energy to teaching classes and helping to train my teammates. After five months I discovered that without intending to, I had dropped almost 15 pounds. By the time of my black belt test, I was down to a weight I hadn't seen since my last year in university. I gained a bit of the weight back over the last six weeks of my training when I sustained my calf injury (see my posts below). The whole experience taught me a great deal about training, about myself and about what I enjoy about the martial arts:

...If I get over 195 lbs I start to feel heavy and a bit sluggish. I'm not actually out of shape, but my body feels different. -- Guess what? I'm feeling a bit heavy, so I'm taking this as a signal to ramp up my training a bit...

...I get a lot out of training other people. So much so that I kind of lose track of the importance of my own training. One of my goals this year is to balance this out a bit more, giving myself time for my own training, asking for help from others, and concentrating on helping some key people achieve all that they are capable of.

...Determining a level of training that you can sustain over a long period of time, but which allows you to vary the intensity of the training is key to staying fit, and interested in achieving the goals you set.

...Studying the martial arts is ultimately about developing self-awareness. This is helpful beyond the lessons in kicking, punching and grappling. One important lesson I keep re-learning is to not take people for granted. Your family, friends and training partners are all concerned about helping you achieve your goals, but don't forget about what is important to them as well. It can't be all about you all the time...

...Kicking Dave in the leg is fun...as is working Tom until he falls over, running Paul until he collapses, and pushing Andrew until he is ready to faint. They take everything you throw at them and ask for more. What more could you ask from students and training partners?

...Bruce Lee believed that martial arts was a form of self-expression. You can learn a lot about someone by watching how they train, perform and work with others on the mat.

So, I'm now on a quest to develop a sustainable training program to keep me fit, to keep me from feeling sluggish, to develop some new skills and refine some old ones, and most especially: to keep me injury free. It all starts with road work, which means early morning alarm bells that I have to actually pay attention to...oh well, sleeping was fun while it lasted.

Time is Flying

It's been more than a month since I last posted which made me realize that I've become a little bit too obsessed with finishing my shed project.

Sometimes my penchant for obsession is a useful thing (like when I'm training for a black belt), but this summer I kind of feel that I've let my (supposedly) little building project overtake my life. Just about every weekend has been spent on some aspect of the build, which while fun, has been a little excessive. But major construction is now finished, and I'll be putting up shelves and moving stuff into the shed on the Labour Day weekend, so hopefully I'll feel less compelled to do work when I should be relaxing or playing or writing. It's really too bad when the crazy gene kicks in.

So, some thoughts I've had over the last month:

I love the internet. This may sound obvious as who would start a blog unless they loved the internet, but here's why. The internet allows me to become aware of interesting people, events and ideas both by getting reports about these things (from a really wide variety of sources) and by getting the unfiltered version of some of them.

Case in point: In July the US District Court for Northern California threw out the state's referendum mandating the bar on same sex marriages. This was widely reported online through mainstream media, blogs, forums, videos but most importantly through access to Judge Walker's written judgement. If you haven't read this yet - DO SO. It is, as one analyst said, the best summer reading you will find anywhere.

The ruling is historic, and is written in a way to make it almost bulletproof. It will be appealed and some say will likely be heard by the US Supreme Court. But what is beautiful and astounding about it is the manner in which Judge Walker, with cold-hearted precision and logic, demolishes all arguments against same sex marriage (and in so doing, shines a much needed light on the issue of discimination on the basis of sexual orientation). This is the Brown v. Board of Education ruling for our time, and I think, will be studied by law students for years to come.

I think I'll write more about this later, but why I think it's important, is because I feel that rule of law is the most fundamental aspect of my belief in freedom and liberty. It is the fact that people who have had discrimination and prejudice thrown at them have recourse before the courts that is the true defining characteristic of our democracy -- and for a poli sci geek like me, this was heaven.

Oh, it is also time to start training again. 5:30 am runs here we go...

Random Thoughts

I'm thinking about a few things right now (while basking in the good feeling of Spain winning the World Cup), and thought 'I should blog about this!'

That doesn't mean that I've thought of anything earth shattering, I'm just trying to get in the habit of writing down what I think are interesting things, when I think of them. Case in Point:

Some people say, everything happens for a reason (my sister believes this). I do not think so.

Instead I think that everything that happens to us, on a day to day, moment to moment basis, are learning opportunities. If we pay attention to what we are doing, and what others are thinking and feeling, we have a chance to learn, to change and to grow. And when that moment of attention happens, we often feel that what just happened, must have happened for a reason -- it is our rational thinking mind trying to make sense of a flash of insight.

'Shi Kin Hara Mitsu Dai Ko Myo' is a ... pledge/creed/statement that is recited at the beginning of Bujinkan Ninpo practice. I don't speak Japanese, and so have depended on a few sources for a translation, but the one I liked the best is this: Pay Attention! This might be the Moment of Enlightenment!

What I've come to appreciate about reciting it, is that it asks me to cultivate a mind that actively participates in the world around me, by paying attention to the actions and feelings of both myself and the people around me. I have not had my moment of enlightenment yet, but I am making myself open to it.

Father's Day

Father's Day this year was kind of special. I earned my second degree black belt at the end of May, and had the distinct pleasure of having my son be the first to tie my belt, just as I had done for him two years ago.

The martial arts have become the way our family has connected on a very fundamental level. I have seen my son (and then my wife) go through an experience that is fairly unique, and one that I got to share with them. Somehow, no matter what else happens in our lives, I know we will always share that experience. My youngest is eagerly awaiting his chance at this experience in a few years...

That kind of shared experience is something that I never had with my father. We have grown closer as adults, but I am glad that I have the relationship with my kids that I always hoped to have with my dad.

After I got my black belt in May, my dad came up and gave me the biggest hug. He has finally found a way to connect to me, and this is one more thing that makes me grateful for all that I have, and all that I continue to experience.

This year's Father's Day gave me a moment to pause and reflect on all of my good fortune. I have been extremely lucky to have had a dad throughout my life, even though at times we didn't really understand each other, or even like each other. One of my teammates in this past cycle lost her dad to cancer last year. My wife lost her dad to a heart attack when she was ten. I may have grown up in a house where I didn't really know my dad, but he was always there, and you could always depend on him. It took me a long time to realize it, but his family was the most important thing in the world for him.

I am very grateful for him, and for all that he has given me -- even though I didn't realize it at the time.

It took me a long time to figure out what I was good at. But I know this: I'm a good dad, and being a good dad is all that I really need.



Oh, and go Spain!

I'll be posting soon, I promise

Life's been pretty hectic for the past 6 weeks, but I am going to post this week with ideas and pics that have been rolling around: being presented with my 2nd degree black belt, setting some new goals, reading a fun book, watching some great soccer and seeing a new baby. Details to come.

So what's this 'Power Weekend' thing?

It's a good name, but it does lead to some funny questions. "Power Weekend? is that some kind of self-help guru type thing?", etc... As one of my now favorite blogs pointed out, the people who have been through it, don't really talk about it. It is for the initiated, in part to keep it special. That said, you could say that Power Weekend is this:

It's a whirlwind of activity that confuses the hell out of you, and which becomes hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been through it.

I could give you a laundry list of the activities we go through, the training we put ourselves through or the madness that some instructors inflict on us, but that wouldn't really do it justice.

It's hard. The two I have been through have been the hardest things I've ever done. Most people of my vintage who have been through it rank it just behind getting married and having kids as life experiences go.

It is a very emotional experience. I get choked up at several moments during the weekend, especially when I see someone find the strength to do something that they didn't think was possible, and come out triumphant afterwards.

It changes you. I am not the same person after this experience then I was going in. The changes are often more visible in the younger people who go through this, but I don't think that anyone who puts themselves out there on Power Weekend can come through it unchanged. You learn a lot about each other on Power Weekend.

It teaches the value of teamwork, and the devotion to something greater than yourself. I don't know how anyone could watch a group of exhausted children push themselves to run their best 5k race, finish and then turn around and run back for the ones who weren't done yet, and not go "Wow!"

It is a triumph of the spirit. On the surface this would seem to be a physical test (and it is to a certain extent), but in reality it is about teaching people what harnessing spirit can mean. I believe that most limits we experience in our lives are self-imposed. This weekend teaches you to be aware of your limits, and gives you the tools to surpass them -- often by giving you the necessary people to help you.


I leave you with this - it has helped me through two Power Weekends, and as I get ready for my third in a few years, I'm sure it will be with me again:

Spirit

Man gets tired
Spirit don't
Man surrenders
Spirit won't
Man crawls
Spirit flies
Spirit lives when man dies

Man seems
Spirit is
Man dreams
The spirit lives
Man is tethered
Spirit is free

What spirit is man can be

Done, but ow.

Another milestone past...

So today I finished the biggest part of my test for second degree black belt. I tested with an amazing group of people, with some really inspiring results. 23 of us went through our school's Power Weekend, and came out stronger for it -- although I am feeling a lot of pain right now.

We are a pretty diverse bunch, and I was glad to see how everyone responded to the rigour and stress of the weekend. This morning I did my 6k run with Ian and Toni, two of the senior belts who were testing with me, and Ian's son William. William was the only one with two good legs and we started really slow, barely above a quick walk. But Ian, Toni and I found strength in each other and in the environment around us and each step saw us getting faster. At the 3k turn we were starting to set a good pace, and finished at a full run. It was an awesome experience and I am so grateful and happy to have done with these two people. They are some of the best examples of people who live a life of dignity and grace that I can think of, and I am so proud to call them my friends.

Seeing my sons, my wife and my parents after I finished, waiting to give me a hug and wishing me well really made it so very special. I am a very lucky man.

There's a lot more I can post about the Weekend and this experience, and I'll follow this up shortly (maybe with some photos soon).

My Teachers (from another section of my BB poster)

Robert Gold (taught me Taiji at McGill many years ago)

Robert started his training in the martial arts in 1967, with Judo and Shotokan Karate, and then moved on to Tae Kwan Do, Xing Yi, Bagua and Tai Chi. From 1986 to 1989 he trained in mainland China, Taiwan and Japan studying different styles of Tai Chi and related arts, both with private teachers and at the Beijing Sports Institute.

When he returned from China, Robert taught Tai Chi at McGill for a year, which is where I trained with him. Even today, I return to his lessons when I’m learning a new form.

Michael Gregory (taught me a blend of martial arts styles at McGill)

Michael has trained in several different martial arts disciplines, including Tae Kwan Do, Aikido, Wing Chun, Kali, Jeet Kune Do and Savate. The details of his background were always a bit of a mystery to me, but his skill was never in doubt. His first black belt was in Tae Kwan Do, and his training in Jeet Kune Do and Kali was under Daniel Inosanto, a student of Bruce Lee’s.

His classes at McGill and Concordia are always a diverse blend of techniques and people, with guest instructors educating his students on the finer points of Savate, Pencak Silat, Caporeira and Boxing. His curriculum continues to evolve, and recently he has been the coach of the Canadian National Savate (Boxe Francaise) Team.

Three of his former students, including Scott Redstone, are the founders of Trinity JKD and Savate here in Toronto.


Daniel Laurendeau (my aikido sensei at McGill)

Daniel began his training in aikido under Massimo di Villadorata in 1975. He became involved with the McGill Aikido Club as its Assistant Instructor in 1982, and earned his first degree black belt (shodan) in 1983. He became the McGill Club’s head instructor the following year, and traveled to Japan with Yamada, Kanai and Tamura senseis in 1989. He was awarded his fifth degree black belt (godan) in 1999 from Y.Yamada-shihan.

Daniel was the first martial arts instructor I had who showed a deep commitment to building a community out of his students. His lessons went well beyond the physical aspects of aikido. Here he is in his own words:

"Throughout my years as head instructor at McGill Aikido, awakening young people to the values carried by Aikido has certainly been my most precious accomplishment. Being a never-ending quest for self-improvement, each semester begins with a reminder of Aikido's challenge to clarify our own values and thus behave according to those values, even under stress.

We strive to extend our quest of common goals and cooperation outside the mat to forge bonds and friendships that can provide joy and security, especially to those students from foreign cities and countries. Our Aikido is based on three cherished principles: yield, blend, and flow. Transposed in everyday life and situations, I feel these basic elements can help and guide us in a confident and comfortable manner to achieve our goals. Aikido remains an act of generosity, passing on knowledge as an altruistic gift.

Go, and give some more..." ~ Daniel Laurendeau, Head Instructor, McGill Aikido Club

(next up: my teachers here in Toronto...)

Injury update (again)

BTW...

Thanks to great therapy from Tim Marshall (chiro extraordinaire), my calf was healthy enough to try a ten minute slow paced run this morning. Although it felt a bit weak, and a bit unstable, there was no pain. This is a very good thing, although my conditioning sucks.

My master informed me that I have to join the other two senior belts an hour and half early on Friday for the start of our black belt test. She won't tell us why, but here's some theories I've come up with (none of which are correct apparently...):

We are being initiated to a special 'sake' ceremony before the start of testing...

We are being given an oral exam on the history of the martial arts...

She has determined that the three of us are too dumb and too injured to actually grade, but is going to hand us our belts because we did earn them...

Unfortunately what I do know is that some of the Senior Senior belts are taking a special interest in our grading and want to have some 'fun' with us before grading actually begins. I've been assured that I will enjoy it and appreciate it, but I'm doubtful. Since my wife and oldest son are both black belts at the school, they get to come watch and are eagerly awaiting the opportunity.

Did I mention that I'm actually looking forward to all this? Does anyone believe me?

The Next Instalment

Teachers, Students and Teammates

In my first ‘journey poster’, I talked about the journey to black belt being ultimately one of self-examination and self-discovery which requires guidance and support.

What follows is a revisiting of some of the descriptions of my past and present teachers from my first ‘journey poster’. I wanted to share them with you again since I’ve come to value their impact on my life even more so in the past two years as I’ve stepped into the role of instructor here at DeSantos.

I also want people to realize how much I value my students, teammates and training partners. As much as some of them think they are taking from me, they should realize how much I depend on them for support and motivation.

I want to thank all of my team: Ian (wouldn’t be here without you), Toni (heart of a lion), Ray, Elizabeth, Tina, Connor, Aaron, Arianna (welcome to the morning crew), Owen, Aidan, Evan, Sean, Cole, John, Jon, Alyssa, Monique, Kaelan, Christine, Cheyanne, Serena and Christie. I’m proud to be doing this with all of you.

(a few more of these and then we get to my 'Lessons From The Mat' section, which is actually my favorite.)

Part Deux...

I can easily say that my expectations for my second Power Weekend have changed tremendously over the past year (and even more so in the last month!) I started out determined to make this the best experience possible by making myself the best that I could be, improving in the areas I had struggled with in my first go round. I would be fitter, leaner and better able to stand up to the challenges put to me by the cadre of instructors that would be there the next time. I was very concerned with ME, mostly because I wasn’t sure who I could count on.

I was also very concerned with being a good STUDENT, but found that increasingly difficult. I just didn’t seem to have the time. Like Ian and Toni, teaching is the major part of my time at DeSantos, leaving very little time at the dojang for training. Again, in finding a way on an obscure path this meant that a lot of my training had to be done outside the dojang – and not just the physical part either. I’ve read and collected a wide range of books on the martial arts over the last two years, and they have been part of this journey as well.

Without really meaning to, TEACHING has become the thing that defines my time at DeSantos. When I started I kind of figured it would be something I would do a couple of times a week, teach a sparse class and have some fun. Much to my surprise, I seem to have become a teacher that people respond to, someone who people listen to, someone whose classes are sought out and someone who is given a great deal of respect – all of which is quite astonishing. I have always struggled in my life to believe in myself, and to accept that there are people in this world who look up to me, believe in me and love me. Finding my classes well attended, or having people come up to me after class grinning and thanking me for training them has at times been a bit disconcerting.

All of which is why by March Break this year I realized that my expectations for Power Weekend had changed. A year ago I wanted to be the best physically that I had ever been. Now I realize that either that is not achievable, or actually is not a worthy goal. Instead I think my intent has shifted to a devotion to getting the group prepared and through the weekend, and maybe they can give me the support I need to achieve what I want.

(more of the poster still to come, but the whole thing and the booklet is available for viewing at DeSantos. Take the booklet down, sit down and take some time to enjoy it. If you want a copy let me know and I'll print one up for you...)

The Journey Continues

Here's a slice from my Journey to Black Belt Poster (I think I'll release it in serial form...)

My Second Degree Black Belt approaches with alarming speed and still I am wondering if I am ready. I received my black belt at DeSantos in November, 2007 and have been teaching at the school almost ever since. That fact has made my journey to Second Degree a bit different from others – my time and focus are split between being a teacher and being a student, which presents some unique challenges.

The path to second degree is a challenging one often because it is somewhat obscure. From White belt to First degree there is a pretty clear picture laid out for you and instructors to help you learn curriculum, improve technique and increase your fitness. But afterwards almost everyone has to answer a rather difficult question: Now What? “You mean I only need to learn 4 forms in the next couple of years to qualify for second degree? That seems a bit too easy...”

Of course that’s not it at all, but we have to figure that out ourselves. Part of the process of growing into the belt we get to wear, is deciding what we want to make of our time here. And that is difficult for a great many people, which is why I believe that you see a drop off in attendance after people receive their first degrees. I went through my first Power Weekend with 19 other people. I’m going to go through my second Power Weekend with one of them, and there are really only three or four others of that group who are still training regularly at the school. That’s a pretty high attrition rate, but not at all uncommon. It makes the journey a bit harder, because you have fewer people to share it with, fewer people who understand what you are struggling with, and fewer people whose loads you can lessen.

Part 2 coming soon...(or soon to be available for complete viewing at DeSantos Martial Arts Studio, 210 Main Street)

Recovery

Injuries

I seem to post a lot about these recently. Thankfully my own has made a great deal of progress this week: my calf has much greater range of motion, the nature of my pain has changed completely and its severity has decreased substantially. I feel like I am well on my way to recovering and thanks to some help from friends and training partners I now have a stationary bike to help my rehab.

It is interesting that my most recent post dealt a bit with the idea of faith. While I've struggled with faith in God and church for most of my life (and more so recently) the one thing I haven't been struggling with is faith in my recovery. I knew I had injured myself, got good advice, got good treatment, took my recovery seriously and determined to let it have minimal impact on my training and preparation for my black belt test. Thankfully my injury occurred with enough time for me to recover (by making full use of that time). I've learned alot about myself in that time: I can be patient, measured and careful when necessary, as well as confident and determined when I need to be.

It's strange, but if I hadn't been doing martial arts I probably wouldn't have injured myself in the first place. But if I hadn't been doing martial arts, I don't know that I would have had the tools necessary to recover the way that I have. As I keep pointing out to my students, the study of martial arts is full of paradoxes...

Easter thoughts

I know that Easter came and went a few weeks ago now, but I had been struggling with some ideas related to faith and religion around that time and was trying to figure out if there was something worth saying on the blog.

For the weeks leading up to Easter the role of the Catholic hierarchy in the abuse of children was a subject I was following quite closely. My book club had read The Bishop's Man by Linden MacIntyre earlier this year, and some of the issues it raised seemed to be playing out in the news in the weeks leading up to Easter.

I read Andrew Sullivan's blog regularly, and he has confronted the role of the church in abuse of children head on on his blog, with several posts daily on the subject. His faith is central to his life, and so the idea that his church (which is my church as well at times) could do the things it has done disturbs him greatly.

I am not a regular church goer, although I do find that my Catholic upbringing has been central to a foundation of ethics for my life. I don't agree with a great deal of what the church advocates, and struggle with my own sense of faith and belief. But what I have been struggling with most recently is not a question of faith, but of what I see as simple morality. I truly believe that we have a moral obligation to protect not just our children, but all children. In this the Catholic church not only failed miserably, but actually gave shelter and aid to those who damaged and abused the people who deserved our protection.

The church seems to have taken the road of protecting abusive priests in order to preserve itself. To me it is not even a question of whether these people should remain in the priesthood, but rather why are they not charged, convicted and put in prison instead of being shuttled between parishes.

All of this, and the 'spin' I kept coming across from the Catholic hierarchy was making it very hard for me to want to step into a church at Easter -- I haven't been going to church much this year anyways because of my training, but I was determined to go for the high holiday. I ended up being glad I did, because our parish priest did something I had yet to hear from any other person in authority in the church. His homily directly addressed the issue, and he took responsibility for the 'sins' of the church. His hope was that by confronting the issue we could at least start to heal. I was glad I went, and glad that I heard him. Unfortunately I haven't heard anything similar from anyone else, which depresses me.

I don't know if I can live a life of faith. But I'll keep wondering and wandering and let you know how I'm doing.

Update

My injury is coming along nicely and many, many thanks to Tim Marshall, my chiro who is helping me tremendously.

I have been thinking about several things recently -- the Catholic church and child molesting, nuclear disarmament, the quest for truth, how to recover properly from semi-serious injury, what is the nature of teaching, how good a writer Rawi Hage is, and how my kids make me laugh and smile. Each of these things deserve their own post, and I am going to try and get to each of them over the next few days.

In the meantime, enjoy this video, it really speaks about the nature of today's workplace (at least in my experience).

Why You Can’t Work at Work Jason Fried Big Think

Injury update

Ouch.

I know, that's not much of an update, but it pretty much covers it. Just to get you caught up, I tore my calf at the last grading at DeSantos -- this has been confirmed by my chiropractor. The bruising has started to dissipate, but the muscle has this very bad habit of contracting quite painfully and not wanting to loosen up. This really limits my mobility and ability to train.

I have found the things that I can do: push ups, pull ups, planks and ab exercises. I also think I can do some seated resistance training which I'm going to try next week. But, I can't run or do anything with my leg. Walking is quite painful, as I can't fully extend my foot/lower leg.

I've told my chiro that I have 35 days (less now) until my black belt test. He thinks he can help me get my calf functioning by then, but it is somewhat dependent on my own healing ability. On Thursday he gave me an acupuncture treatment with some electrical current which gave the muscle some passive stimulation and allowed the fluid that had gathered in the tissues to be pumped out. But the aftermath of that treatment was that the next few days have been quite sore -- my calf takes a long time to loosen up and often knots up if I keep it in the same position for too long. I'll be seeing him frequently for the next little while - twice next week and then we'll see how it goes.

On the upside, he doesn't think I did any damage to my Achilles tendon, which would be much worse -- tendons take much longer to heal than muscle, mostly due to the reduced amount of bloodflow into the tissue. So, if you have to damage something in your lower leg, take an injury to a calf muscle over tendon, ligament or bone damage.

I am surprisingly not pissed off about this (which really astonishes me.) I am very frustrated, and tired of my leg hurting, but anger and disappointment are not what I am feeling. I made a decision a while ago that nothing was going to interfere with my black belt test, and this is just one more thing that is not going to interfere with it. It will make it interesting though...

What do you get a guy who has everything?

An Injured Calf...

As anyone who trains martial arts knows, if you train long enough and hard enough, sooner or later you get injured. Not sore muscles, or a tight hamstring, but really honestly injured. I believe I'm a victim of such circumstances right now.

Our martial arts school had a rather important grading this past Friday: the remainder of the students who are qualifying for our black belt exam in May had to perform, and I was quite pleased with my fellow candidates. During the test the three of us who are going for second and third degree black belts had to perform, specifically in forms, self-defense and breaking.

My forms went okay, and my breaking was partially successful (I broke all my boards, but my nice combination break suffered from a poor set up, and didn't come off exactly as planned, much to my hand's chagrin.)

It was during my self-defense test that SOMETHING happened. I'm still not sure exactly what it was that I did, but it somehow involved me injuring my calf. I've either severely sprained it, strained it or tore it just where the bottom of the interior muscle joins the Achilles tendon. I think it happened as I was locking down my 'opponent' when we were rolling on the mat. I was trying to keep him from getting top position and was maneuvering for a sweep when we ended up stalemated. He was pulling his leg in one direction and I had trapped my leg against his and was pulling in the opposite direction. My calf and Achilles was held at maximum extension for a REALLY long time, I think that's what caused the injury. I didn't feel anything really bad until after the grading was over (and the adrenalin dump was over with). I couldn't walk properly the next day, and today (Sunday) it is now beautiful array of colours from my mid calf to my ankle. It is still tender, although I can walk a bit more normally today.

This brings up the issue of training with injuries. As noted above, if you train long and hard enough you will get injured. You should try and avoid it, and when it happens you have to modify your training to allow your body a chance to heal -- but I have always felt that what you should not do is stop training.

The martial arts (at least the ones I study) are well suited for a variety of training regimens, and I have seen people in full leg casts still working on technique.

My concern with my injury right now is that it comes at an awkward time: I'm entering that final 7 weeks before my black belt test, and I was intending to pick up my cardio and sparring training substantially in the next few weeks. That's in danger because of my injured calf. There are a lot of things I can do, but running, quick kicks and explosive movements aren't on the menu.

Fortunately this is a short week at the dojo because of the Easter Break, so I was going to have a shortened training week regardless. I may see if I can see my chiropractor and get his advice on what he can do for me. I've been really impressed with the results I've gotten under his care over the last two years, and recommend him to anyone seeking relief from sports related injuries: he works with Canadian Olympians, and the focus of he and his partner's practice is on sports injuries. What's great about him is that he never talks about what you can't do, only what he can do to get you better.

If anyone is looking for a healer, check these guys out (my guy is Tim Marshall)

Arms Control

I read in the New York Times on Friday that the US and Russia had signed a new arms control treaty as a first step to retarting the START regime which expired last year. I have to say that this is one of the most important underreported pieces of news to have occurred in a loonnng time.

I realize that when it comes to politics, arms control has ceased to be a really sexy creature (if it ever was). It's understandable that issues like Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, not to mention US domestic squabbles like health care and financial ruin, push a little arms control treaty off center stage. BUT what it indicates to me is that the Obama administration has its priorities set correctly (which was never the case IMHO with Bush). The Cold War may be a distant memory to many, and in fact we now have an entire generation that has grown up without the Soviet Union, but that doesn't mean that the overwhelming nuclear arsenals that exist on the planet are not potential threats. Bush completely ignored these issues, choosing instead to waste American blood, treasure and political capital on a misguided adventure in the Middle East.

Controlling the nuclear arsenals of the world is even more important now than it has ever been, and I actually take a great deal of solace in knowing that the current US administration is actually focusing on these issues. I also take great solace in the fact that everyone involved is talking about this treaty in realistic terms: it is a first step to re-establishing a more comprehensive arms control regime that was withering, and sets up a framework under which the US and Russia can discuss points of friction like NATO expansion and missile defense. Reading about this made my day.

Book Club

So my book club met today. I was always a bit ambivalent about book clubs, but I've really enjoyed the one that I'm in. We have read a really wide variety of books, most of which I never would have read unprompted by them. Many have been completely unenjoyable, some middle of the road and some have been spectacular.

The one I enjoyed the most was the one we read last year:



Junot Diaz brought me a novel that transported me to an entirely different place. The language was challenging, the writing engaging and I was swept away by the story of Oscar Wao. My own past as a D&D playing, comic book collecting, nerdy high schooler played a huge role in my enjoying the novel. But that is only the hook. The real success of Diaz's prose is his ability to force his readers to accept a polyglot use of spanish, english and fanboy references that force you to think and move with the story.

I loved this book and highly recommend it to anyone looking for a read like none other. Enjoy.

Health Care

I used to live in Washington DC, and so am always interested in the goings on down in the States. For the last year I've been following with some amusement? bewilderment? astonishment? the incredible political process that has been acted out in DC over the issue of health care. I think most Canadians are a bit confused about what is going on -- never mind the byzantine process that legislation has to thread its way through in order to become law -- especially when it comes to the substance of the bill: you mean after all this you still are not going to cover everyone???

Politics in the US has become so vitriolic over the last fifteen years that I'm not sure whether or not there is actually a way of making the voice of the sensible middle of American society heard. Which is why I am in the camp of believing that Barack Obama is the best thing for the US right now. I don't believe he is a radical leftist as some would paint him, nor a closet conservative as others would as well. I think he is actually a true representative of the sensible middle road -- pragmatic, committed and determined. The starkest contrast between the opposing sides in this debate are captured in Paul Krugman's column in the New York Times today:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/22/opinion/22krugman.html?hp.

Obama essentially said that this was an issue worth staking a career over. I will follow his career with great interest. I really think that as Jon Stewart says, Obama is the Jedi Master playing 3-D chess in the dark with his opponents...

It Might Get Loud

Jimmy Page, The Edge and Jack White sit down to discuss the electric guitar, the creative process and their art and life with Davis Guggenheim, the director who brought us Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth.

First and foremost: if you have any interest in guitar centred music -- see this movie! and, make sure you see the DVD with all of the deleted scenes and commentary. BIAS Alert: I have been a true fanboy of Led Zeppelin for most of my life, and U2 was central to my high school experience, so I have a skewed viewpoint to evaluate this movie. That said...

I have been profoundly interested in how things work and how things are created for all of my life. For that reason alone, this was a movie I wanted to see from the moment I heard about it. These three artists share their ideas about the impact that this instrument has had on their lives and art. They speak in very open terms about their lives and the events that have shaped them. You also get to see the sheer joy that music brings to them (in different ways for each of them).

It is also incredible to see the range of music that can be created by three men with very different perspectives on art and sound and life. I loved this film, and was really grateful that my sister gave it to me for my birthday.

The movie intersperses audio interviews with all three men with clips of their music, stories about their lives and a 'summit meeting' of the three guitarists sitting down in a warehouse studio to talk, jam and share their perspectives on art and music.

Some of the coolest scenes are the ones where the three artists jam together: someone shows off a favorite guitar, or plays a lick and the others watch, fascinated until they start playing along with the lead. The best scene is the look on the faces of The Edge and Jack White when Jimmy Page steps up and plays Whole Lotta Love -- they are in complete awe and I imagine the whole crew at that moment was captivated by what they were seeing. Then imagine you are Jack White and Jimmy Page wants to learn how to play Seven Nation Army! Jack looks completely giddy afterwards.

My only complaint with the movie is that I would have loved to have seen more of the 'Summit' scenes. I'm sure there must be enough film to cut a whole other movie with just those clips, and I would pay to see it.

Davis Guggenheim has done an impressive job in bringing this film to screen. I hope everyone has a chance to enjoy it.

Training Day

This morning (like most Saturdays for the last 5 years) I got up a 5:30 am to train a group of people preparing for their black belt testing at DeSantos Martial Arts Studio here in Toronto. Today we decided to move our training session down to the R. C. Harris Water Treatment Plant (the Waterworks).

This is truly one of the most spectacular venues in the city to visit, and even better to train at. There are challenging hill runs, stairs and plenty of open flat terrain to work sprints, footwork drills, body weight exercises and partner drills. The hill on the far eastern side provides a great mental challenge as well for the group that is training with me. Here's a bit of what we do:


Training has become an important part of my life -- both in terms of my own health and evolution as a martial artist, and in terms of the sense of fulfillment I get from training others and watching them improve.

If you have the opportunity, I highly recommend taking the time to visit the Waterworks. It is an incredible example of Art Deco Architecture and the facade is currently being restored. If you can, visit at dawn and watch the sunrise over the eastern part of Lake Ontario. It's also kind of cool on a foggy night, which is why it's been used in several films as the 'evil lord's castle'.

Why a Blog?

On the advice of someone I respect alot, I am starting a blog. My friend seemed to think that people would be interested in what I had to say about many different things.

I chose Five Rings as a title because I have always been fascinated by the martial arts and the people who practice them. In 17th century Japan a samurai named Miyamoto Musashi wrote a book on strategy entitled A Book of Five Rings. It is a difficult book to unpack, but has been wonderful to go back to over the years. I don't claim to be a scholar of any sort, and so won't try to explain what the book is about, but if you get a chance, read it.

This blog will be a place for me to share ideas I have on a lot of different subjects: culture (books, film, music), politics (I live in Canada, but am interested in the world), philosophy (Aristotle to Charles Taylor), martial arts (technique, training and philosophy), and finally family -- my own and others as need be. Those are my five rings.