75 & 45

It was a great weekend.  Great training session Saturday morning, I got to see some old friends, and spent some great quality time with my family.  What brought everyone together was my father's 75th birthday, and an early celebration of my parents' 45th wedding anniversary. My sister organized a surprise party that was fantastic.  My parents were completely overwhelmed, and overjoyed.  My end of the bargain was giving a speech.  Here it is:

September 11^th

These days, the act of mentioning that date can transform a room or silence a conversation. For a very unfortunate reason, that date has become a touchstone for powerful emotions the world over.  For some it brings up feelings of loss and despair; in others anger and wrath; and in a few, feelings of hope, gratitude and forgiveness.

It wasn’t always this way.  In 1936, September 11^th had a different connatation to a family half a world away in the West Indies.  It was a day of birth, a celebration of life, and the welcoming of a new child into the world.  

I have a hard time imagining my father as a child – a problem I think all children have with their parents.  We have always known our parents as fully formed adults, and don’t have the context and history necessary to imagine all of the trials they faced in their lives which made them who they are. 

The challenge I faced in understanding my dad was doubled by the fact that he was raised in another country, and in another culture from the one I was born into.  And that was by his choice – at an age when young men are looking to establish themselves, to develop a sense of who they are and define themselves separately from the home that raised them, my father left Barbados.  He had outgrown the small island where he was born.  It took me a while to understand what might have driven him to do this.  In the depths of our Montreal winters I  certainly questioned his reasoning – why on Earth did you leave Barbados?

This was just one of the mysteries to me about my father.  Like most sons, I couldn’t understand my father when I was a boy.  At that time to me he was distant, and unapproachable.  But as I got older that changed, especially when I became a husband and a father.  Suddenly it became clear to me what he struggled with, why he spent a long time sitting in his chair thinking, or coming home tired from a long day at work. 

He devoted all of his energy to his family – his one goal was to ensure that they had a good life.  It wasn’t until I was much older, and encountered families that lacked someone like my father, that I came to really appreciate everything that he did for our family, and the impact that he has had on me.

When I first started working for the University of Toronto, I attended a workshop on ethics.  Ethical behavior is extremely important in my profession as a fundraiser, and the leader of the session picked me to answer a specific question: Where do you get your sense of ethics? This was pretty easy for me to answer: my ethics come from my father.  I learned what integrity and professionalism was by seeing him at work, and seeing how people who worked for him responded to him.  I learned about compassion and honesty from seeing how he treated other people, and how he was willing to sacrifice his own well being for others. He is someone that you can always count on.

But even that is not the whole story.  I’ve come to realize that not only was Dad devoted to Mom and Sue and me; not only was he dedicated to his work; but that his devotion to family extended to a great many other people.  His devotion to family is what made it completely reasonable for us to take in Jane when she needed a new home. It’s what made it possible for him and Mom to dedicate an enormous amount to caring for my grandmothers as they aged, struggled with disease, and passed on.  And I believe it is what has made him and my mother into the life partners that they are, and what has made them central to so many people’s lives. When you need something, or someone, you know who to call – my mom and dad.

I have worked in many places, lived in several cities, visited many countries, and been educated in a lot of schools. I have attended church, read widely, practiced meditation, studied philosophy and martial arts. But the most fundamental lessons of my life were learned by watching my parents: how they laugh, how committed they are to each other, how they sacrifice for their children and how they have always put the needs of others first.  It is these lessons that have helped make me who I am.  The martial arts that I do have these core principles: modesty, courtesy, integrity, self-control, perseverance and indomitable spirit.  But long before I came to the martial arts I had learned these principles, by the example of my parents’ lives.

On October 8^th, my parents will celebrate 45 years of marriage.  I don’t believe there was ever a time when that was normal, but it seems even more rare these days.  They are of course, an inspiration for me in my own married life – although that doesn’t mean I mimic everything they do.  In forty five years of marriage there have been times when things have been bleak, and not everything about my family is lovable.  

In my life, especially recently, I’ve seen many marriages end, for many reasons. And so I’ve often wondered what has kept mom and dad together.  They certainly seem to have very different personalities…but I think I’ve started to realize that what has kept them together (and brought people closer to them) is the fact that they are both people who are willing to put consideration of others ahead of themselves. 

My father and mother taught me the importance of seeing the world through other people’s eyes. I think that quality has helped keep their love alive for all of these years.  That quality is what has made them the brother, sister, parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, cousin and friend that everyone is grateful for.

What I have also learned from my parents is that love is a well that you can keep going back to in order to replenish yourself.  Love provides the foundation for the commitment that two people can make to each other over a lifetime, a commitment that must be constantly renewed at each fork in the road.  Love, commitment, perseverance and a devotion to others have kept my parents together for forty five years, and their example gives me the confidence to face the challenges that confront me in my life, and my family’s.

I am so very grateful for my life.  The gifts my parents have given me have allowed me to step into the most treasured roles that I have, as a husband and a father.  I owe both them so much, and I continue to live my life as best I can as a way of saying thank you to them for all they have done for me.

So I return to September 11^th. A date that is now infamous, and filled with pain for a great many people. But for me it will always be a hopeful day.  We here are all truly blessed, because we share a constant reminder on that anniversary that hope and birth conquers fear and death.

September 11^th is my father's birthday. No matter how the world wants to view that anniversary, I know that I will always have something to be grateful for on that day, and a reminder of hope and love, even in the face of fear and death.  I want to give thanks for all of the gifts my parents have given me, and thank you for sharing this day with us.  

So, from all of us, happy birthday Dad, and happy anniversary to you and mom.  I love you both very much.

Applause, but why is this taking so long?

So I don't think they planned it to happen for the start of Toronto's Pride week, but yesterday New York State became the largest state in the union to allow LGBT couples the basic right that EVERYONE else has had (although it may only be L/G, I'm not sure about the B/T until I read the bill).

Sound the applause.  But it begs the question, why is this taking so long? It was last summer that a California court struck down that state's anti-same sex marriage act in one of the best examples of bullet-proof reasoning by the presiding judge. 

The slow march towards equality for my friends and neighbours is quite frustrating to watch.  And even in this city and country where I live there are frustrations that crop up (like a mayor who doesn't think participating in one of the city's largest events justifies sacrificing some family time for what everyone else considers a mayoral duty).

Sometimes having patience and taking the long view of things is very tiring.  This morning I'm relating this news from New York, and my reaction to it, to how I'm feeling and dealing with my latest injury.  Yes, it is getting better (I think), but it's hard to tell some times, is often painful and why is it taking so long to heal? Sometimes when you are going through something painful it's hard to tell if things are getting better, or to have the patience required to be happy about whatever progress you are making.

But if you want to read about a real struggle, and the courage of everyday life, please take a look at my friend's brilliant blog about her journey through breast cancer. It will make you weep, and laugh and take great pride in what she has been able to do.

Whiskey and Cigarettes

I must admit that I no longer listen to commercial radio, and so am completely out of the loop in terms of music trends and sound. I am now completely dependent on my children to let me know what is actually 'current'.

How sad, as I used to have such a wide appreciation for musical genres -- which I still do, but absent anything new. Until I came across this lovely lady, ADELE, who has become one of my faves, and restored my faith in new music. Of course, she kind of has an old sound, but that's not the point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qemWRToNYJY



How do I describe why I like this -- whiskey and cigarettes. That's what I think of when I hear or see her sing. I've never smoked, but loved spending time in dark smoky bars listening to bands and singers work a room -- which is another thing I don't do much of these days. This woman's emotional range in her songs is visceral.

For me she embodies Etta James, Janis Joplin and all the best bluesy singers to have come before her. And it seems that live she sounds exactly like on record, which to me is a true mark of talent.

What more could you ask for then listening to melancholy music, brilliantly sung with the lights down while sipping whiskey (I'll avoid the cigarettes, but she smokes which has done wonders for giving her voice just the right amount of rasp...)

I hope she continues to make wonderful music for years to come (so maybe she should give up the cigarettes at some point.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiMK9e0h6YE&feature=related

And it begins again...

Another very special black belt ceremony has come and gone, with tears, smiles and joy shared amongst an incredibly loving community. I am very proud of the accomplishments of the group of people who have completed a very long and arduous stage of their martial arts journey. And now the next stage begins...

The next one is filled with uncertainty; it starts with the question "Now what?". The simple answer is not an answer, but a question -- what do you want it to be?

That is one of the hardest, but most beautiful parts of this experience: it is unique, demanding and dependent on the motivation of the student. I have been really happy to see the last few groups who have gone through the black belt experience stay reasonably intact, and dedicated to growing as individuals while giving back to the community around them.

I am so looking forward to seeing how these guys do, and how they answer the questions posed to them.

Congratulations to all of them, and thank you to them as well. They have helped me learn a great deal about myself, and that is a debt that is very hard to repay.

Achievement

I have been particularly blessed recently. Every year I get to participate in a triumph of the spirit. This year I invested heavily in the group that would be testing for black belt at DeSantos. It was really the first time in my tenure at the club where I have felt more like a teacher and mentor to a group rather than an experienced training partner.

I deeply appreciate everything that these people did for me this weekend -- they gave it their all, and made me believe in my own abilities as an instructor and guide. Even more importantly I saw the spark take hold in many of them - the spark of wanting to share what they were feeling with others, and the blossoming sense that by giving back they will be fulfilled.

Every year I get very emotional witnessing these events. This year was no different. Perhaps now they understand a bit better the message I conveyed last year. I can't wait to see the effect all of this has.

Congratulations to all for all that they did. I feel truly blessed to have shared it with them.

Oh, and fair warning to those getting their first degrees this year: if you train diligently, you will be able to qualify for second degree when I go for my third in 2013. What fun!

Getting what you want and being happy

Cerebus: Most Holy will bless your child and teach you a valuable lesson about life at the same time

Cerebus: Bless you

SHRIEK

Cerebus: The valuable lesson is that you can get what you want and still not be very happy....

I certainly believe that I have a rather dark sense of humour. But in addition to finding this particularly funny (and from a great series of Graphic Novels) I found myself thinking about this in the wake of some of the bigger news items of the day recently.

Here in Canada, we have had an extraordinary election. For the first time since Confederation, the Liberal Party has failed to either become the government, or the official opposition. The New Democratic Party, for the first time in its history has won enough seats to take that position, and the Conservative Party, for the first time in its current incarnation has won a majority. Why do these events make me turn to this memory of a twenty year old comic book? Partly because that's just the way I think, and partly because I think the lesson Cerebus is teaching is appropriate to our current situation:

The NDP wanted to win, and has wanted to move out of its traditional role as the third party alternative in Canadian politics that it has held almost since its inception. It got its wish, but the cost of its victory is the election of a Conservative majority, which will likely guarantee that none of the priorities the NDP holds dear will ever come close to being enacted over the next four years. (thus getting what they want, but ultimately being unhappy)

While I've always found myself leaning towards the party, and often vote that way depending on who is running in my riding, my trouble with them is that they have never seemed to me to be serious about governing -- they are quite content to cajole, provoke, oppose and propose alternative ideas, but never with any hope of actually governing. In our system, the party in opposition isn't supposed to be happy with coming in second -- it's supposed to be the government in waiting, and offer citizens a reasonable alternative to the party in power. I'm interested in seeing how the NDP reacts to its new role.

The Conservatives wanted a majority. They got it, but I think their unhappiness is going to come from the fact that there are now more voices internally who are going to expect to be heard and considered -- not something the party has been very good at recently, or has shown any real track record at fostering. They need look no further than the Liberals to see what kind of strife can ensue from this development, and the catastrophic results that often occur.

I've never voted Conservative because I've never found them able to resolve their inherent contradiction: they want a small government, so they cut taxes (to deprive the government of revenue for spending); they then spend more then they take in, because it costs money to deliver the services people want, and a government needs to deliver those things if it wants to stay in power. They then wonder why a deficit has occurred but are unable ideologically to consider a diverse way of coping with it.

In other news, but related to my point: in the US, people are celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden. I understand the sentiment, but have found myself unable to share it. His death doesn't roll back the clock. His death doesn't do away with extremism. His death, while well-deserved (and well executed by any measure), does not resolve the pain of the lives who were affected by him. His death may have been a just act, but I cannot rejoice in it. I can't be happy that he was killed. Satisfied, but not happy.

My hope is that (as my hero, Jon Stewart says) his face will no longer be the one people think of when they think 'Muslim'; instead, I trust it will be the faces of the brave people who are writing, protesting, fighting and dying for freedom in their countries -- so that they can enjoy a day when, like me, they wake up to a peaceful transitition of power brought about by an engaged citizenry.

And then they can ponder, like me, how you can get what you want and still not be very happy...

What Does it Take to Bring People Together?

Commitment, hard work and a willingness to surrender yourself. The group that is going to be testing for their black belts at our school in three weeks is going down to Niagara on the Lake for a weekend of team building.

While the idea that the black belt test at our school is more than an individual assessment of your performance as a martial artist is long entrenched at DeSantos, the time we take to help the group that is testing together bond has definitely taken on a different quality in the last few years.

Partly this is just the chance brought by opportunity -- our master now has access to a property down in NOTL that works really well as a retreat for the group for the weekend. We do all kinds of fun things to help them get to know each other, and to de-stress them. But still help them to develop the focus and mental strength necessary for what they are about to do.

more on this later...

Simple Things

I often tell my students that what I teach them is simple, but not easy. Often, martial arts is about a quest for simplicity, but this is actually quite hard.

One of the first things a student at our school learns is how to bow, then how to tie their belt, then how to line up for the start of class. Each of these things is simple, but often executing them properly (especially under stress) can be the hardest thing in the world.

Too often I find that the world confuses simple and easy. People want to change their lives, but want it to be easy. Change is hard, but it is actually quite simple. It starts with a decision to change, and follows with a commitment to do the work necessary. And then it often requires the frighteningly simple, yet utterly terrifying step of asking for help.

I try not to proselytize about the effect of martial arts on your life, but identifying the difference between simple and easy is one of the best things I've learned from my years of training.

Lessons from the Mat

An Essay on Impact of the Martial Arts on my Life
(this may be familiar to some folks as it was originally written for my first Journey to Black Belt Poster in Fall, 2007)

I have always been drawn to the martial arts, from the time I was very young and even before I really understood what they were all about. I don’t remember any specific instance of seeing someone do something amazing that made me want to pursue the study of martial arts, but I was the type of kid who always had his nose in a book, and so had read about arms, armour and fighting techniques before I ever conceived of doing it myself.

When I was a child, probably about 8 years old, my mother signed me up for Judo classes. It lasted a week, and I forget now if it was that I didn’t want to go or my mom either couldn’t afford the time or money to take me. I signed up for judo again when I was twelve, and that lasted a couple of months. It was enough time to learn how to fall, roll and do some basic throws, and also long enough to realize no matter what they tell you in judo classes, size does make a difference: it’s very frustrating to try and learn judo techniques when you are the smallest person in class.

But even at that early age, one of the things that struck me about the martial arts was the calmness that you can achieve with them. The few moments at the beginning of class when we would sit and meditate, focusing on our breathing and centering ourselves in preparation for what we were about to do were the high point of the experience. I was a skinny kid with breathing problems, so handling the physical side of class was usually beyond me, but those moments of peace were what would pull me back to the martial arts years later, when I knew that I wanted to train my body to do things I had seen done in the movies, or read about in books.

From age twelve to thirty-eight I’ve traveled a lot, and studied – buffet style – several different styles of martial arts – Tai Chi, Aikido, Tae Kwan Do, and a Jeet Kune Do inspired mix of Tae Kwan Do, Wing Chun, Kali, Boxing and Savate. But before I started training physically, I knew what I hoped to find spiritually: a sense of honour, dedication, and commitment. What I did not know when I started was that I would find a camaraderie amongst martial art students that was fairly unique – people who were training to better themselves, but who were also interested in helping others. It’s this aspect of the martial arts that helps to inspire me when I find roadblocks in my way.

What I re-discovered when I returned to the martial arts after a long break, was that time training on the mat is time away from the world. I have always felt that training halls, dojos, dojangs are all magical places. There is an invisible veil in place across the mats in them. When you step through the veil you leave your outside life behind. Then, for however long you are there, you can focus on something outside your life, and live in one particular moment in time. Some people I know find a similar experience in church, or camping, or running, but I have not found that experience anywhere else, and it is what keeps me coming back to training again and again.

The martial arts have created in me a sense of purpose, lifted me up when I have been depressed, and linked me to people who mean the world to me. It was a shared interest in the martial arts that helped bring my wife and I together. It was the certain knowledge of the positive aspects of character development and ethical behavior that would be taught in great dojos that encouraged my wife and I to seek out a school for our son, and it was the realization that I missed having the martial arts in my life that brought me back to training after a 12 year hiatus.

The martial arts have helped make me who I am today. However, I know that I could not have gotten here without the help and support of the teachers and students who were a part of my experience. Whether it was all the hours I spent training at McGill, or the time on the mat at DeSantos, I could not have achieved anything without my teachers, peers, family and friends. They are the real reward of martial arts training – focus, commitment, physical fitness and some awareness of self-defense are just fringe benefits.

How you practice is how you perform

This credo was first shared with me early in my training in taekwando at DeSantos Martial Arts, by one of the instructors whom I admire the most -- mostly because he embodies this sentiment. When you first start applying it to your approach to martial arts you realize how vital it is: you cannot expect to perform at a high level, if you don't practice at that level regularly, and systematically.

I found myself coaching some great kids yesterday at a tournament. They were amazing in how they stepped up to perform in what for many of them was an unfamiliar setting. But my mind kept coming back to this lesson throughout the day. They were all performing really, really well -- but most were unprepared for what they were facing. The kind of tournament they were competing in was of a different quality then they were used to, and it showed in their performance. Which made me come back to Sir Tran's lesson -- if they want to perform differently in this kind of environment, they will have to refine their approach to their training.

And because the best lessons of the martial arts apply outside the confines of the mat, I have come to see how my everyday behaviour ends up determining how I perform. I can't expect to get different results if I keep doing the same things all the time.

It seems a truism -- what you've done in the past is what you'll do in the future (unless you choose to change your behaviour). But first you have to recognize that change is necessary.

Again, more on this later...

6,400,099,180

A really big number. Dogen Zenji, a thirteenth century zen master and founder of the Soto school of Zen Buddhism calculated this as the number of moments in a day.

An important idea connected to this calculation is that life is constantly changing, and these changes happen from moment to moment. I'm still unpacking the meaning of this, but the first thing that comes to mind is that this means there are 6,400,099,180 opportunities for change in a day. How am I going to make use of these opportunities today?

More on this later...

Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest...

Newton's first law of motion has been kicking in big time for me lately, in many ways. Physics as a metaphor for life can be a fun thing, but what I seem to be looking for is the equivalent of an 'outside force' to act on my resting body.

Last year I had all the motivation in the world to push myself to train, and train others. The cold winter has instead pushed me into near hibernation, and the result is I am flabby and feeling blue.

But last Sunday, while coaching students on forms, I realized that everyone feels this way sometimes -- I just don't notice, because many times I'm the 'outside force', changing the body from rest to motion. As my birthday approaches, I'm hoping that I find what I am missing, and get back on track.

This is the Sea

I've been hearing This is the Sea in my head for a while now -- it always speaks to me of journeys, transformations, efforts attempted, triumphs and failures. I think it is due to the journey I am witnessing in the black belt candidates at the moment.

They have come very far, but still have a long way to go. For the last couple of months I've found myself comfortable falling into the role of guide and counsellor to some, mentor to others. This insight has gone alongside the realization of how much this role means to me. Somehow, I have found a vocation through my martial arts training, and it feels good.

There was a psalm/song that was repeated for several weeks at church this year, whose theme was answering a call. For Catholics it refers to a call from God to live in a particular way. Given my sometimes ambivalent perspective on the church, I have found in it a reference to the calling I have found at the martial arts school.

So here I am. I place myself at the service of those who need me. As the song says, 'those who are weary, who have been alone too long, those suffering from a few too many plans that have gone wrong...'

I trust that I will help them find their way.

(Oh, as far as the video goes -- I try not to have regrets, but my one 'disappointment' in my life is that I've never stood up on a long board. If anyone ever asks me what I would want to be, my answer is always a surfer. I believe they live a life of transcendance every day they are on the water, and I would love to experience that. It was fantastic that when I went to find a video of the Waterboys tune, up popped a video that married the song to a big wave documentary. I love Youtube, but BTW, I'm getting a little tired of blogger's anti-intuitive editing functions...)

Learning through Testing

"Taking a test is not just a passive mechanism for assessing how much people know, according to new research. It actually helps people learn, and it works better than a number of other studying techniques." - To Really Learn, Quit Studying and Take a Test, New York Times, January 20, 2011

I read this article when it first came out a few weeks ago, and thought how appropriate it was to the approach our master is taking with this year's black belt training cycle. So far Black Belt Candidates have been tested on two different areas, and will be tested in four others before they are deemed ready for Power Weekend (our school's black belt exam).

For many people taking a test has always been a stress/anxiety inducing trial, which taps into bad memories of school years best forgotten. And it is true that for the black belt cycle, we as instructors do want to induce a bit of stress on our test takers, in order to see how they respond. But what we really want people to focus on is not whether they pass or fail (that in some ways is our concern, not theirs), but what they learn from the test and what steps they need to take to improve.

This point in the cycle is always a bit daunting. People have been training for a long time, and while they have all seen results, they can sometimes start to coast a bit, or see a drop in motivation, or feel a bit anxious about what is coming next. At our school we respond to this often by increasing the pressure – it is now time to separate the wheat from the chaff and see who is really prepared for what is coming in May. As a student preparing for black belt weekend, what helped me was to treat each training session as a test – How did I perform? What did I do well? Where can I improve? Who was falling down and needs help getting back up?

My role as an instructor is to carefully calibrate what I am demanding from these students, so that when the people who are actually going to grade them on Power Weekend show up, the shock won't be too bad. I was looking forward to this black belt cycle, and I am quite pleased with how things are going – but while time is getting short, there is still a long way to go for most of the people hoping to grade, and I will have to be creative in finding ways to help them discover their limits, and get past them.

Church, or something to do on a Sunday

For most of my life, I have had at best an ambivalent relationship with religion and church going. At one point in my life, the rituals of the Catholic church held great solace for me, but that waned, and I have gone back and forth on its place in my life. I appreciate a lot of what my religious upbringing has given me, but find much of the structure and teachings of the church to be hard to accept. But I do feel there is great value in having the church play a role in the ethical instruction of my children, and want them to gain enough knowledge about it in order to eventually make their own choices about the place religion and church should have in their lives.

Both my sons have been baptized, and both will receive as many sacraments as they wish to. In the next year or two both of them will be of the age to qualify for first communion and confirmation, so we have decided that we should spend this year going to church regularly. We've been to mass every Sunday since the new year began.

I'm actually surprised that I am … enjoying (?) it. So far no one has said anything to piss me off, and our parish priest is a bit of a scriptural analyst, so he's doing the kind of exegesis with the weekly texts that I actually like – I don't always agree with him, but it has been refreshing to hear him.

It does give me a lot of pause though when I think of friends I have who would not necessarily be welcomed in our church, and at the lack of acknowledgment on the part of the church hierarchy to the crimes committed by its members. But not being able to resolve those feelings, or find a solution to those issues is not necessarily a reason to stay away from mass on Sundays…at least for this year and next. We'll see if things change.

Flab control

The winter is always my most challenging season for training. I hate getting up in the dark, my asthma is always at its worst, and without a serious motivation (like getting ready for a black belt test), doing the kind of training I'm used to doing in the warmer months is really hard. I get to the dojang as often as I can, and that helps maintain a certain level of fitness and technical aptitude, but my training regimen outside the school takes a serious nose dive, leading to a flabby centre, and an ever tightening waistline of my pants.


This also has the effect of depressing me mentally – I set unrealistic expectations for my performance, don't meet them, and then feel bad about it, which in turn makes me even less motivated (vicious cycle anyone?). So, in response, I've made some decisions: First, revise my expectations. From November to April, I will focus on technical improvement and curriculum mastery (this has been helped along tremendously by some special Monday morning classes that my master is giving for me and another senior student).

Second, for this time period, rather than set goals I'm not going to reach for outdoor cardio activities, I will instead concentrate on the four fundamental body weight exercises for physical fitness:

push ups

pull ups

pistol squats

plank

We'll see where I am in March with this. Third, I'm restarting my journal, and am doing a much better job of making writing it a habit. Finally, once the weather warms up, and we start to see the sun a bit more often, its back out on the road I go…

Barbados

At the end of November I took a trip to Barbados with my family, my mom and my dad. My mom and dad have been tracing our family trees, and it seems certain that my dad's family has been in Barbados since the early 1700s. He left when he was 20, in April of 1957. I grew up going back and forth to the island every few years, and this trip was the second time I had taken my sons to see where their grandfather grew up. But it was the first time my dad had been back in the island since 2002, and the first visit he has been able to have to his original home with his grandchildren.

I love visiting this place. The sights, sounds, smells and tastes of the island are a part of me in ways I don't really realize until I go back. I forgot how much I miss the ocean, or the sounds of the surf at night, or the smell of mahogany furniture…All of these were formative to my growing up.

What made this trip really special was the time I spent talking to my dad about his life in the island. He has lived more than 50 years in Canada, but I was never quite clear on why he had left Barbados in the first place – I always got a vague 'there were more opportunities in Canada' explanation. But this time I really got to hear from him details about his relationship with his father, and the frustrations he felt about growing up in Barbados. I've struggled throughout my life with connecting to my father, and the moments spent with him on vacation this time were very special.

My hope as a father is that I have found a way to connect with my children at an earlier age, then what happened with my dad and I.

This was the happiest I had seen my dad in a while, especially when he was watching his grandsons, and seeing old places that had changed so much.

My sons and wife love visiting this place, and hopefully we can go back again soon.

Postings are on their way!

I fell into a posting rut after getting back from Barbados in December. I have a long list of posts to put up, and will be doing so in the next day or so. Stay tuned!