Part Deux...

I can easily say that my expectations for my second Power Weekend have changed tremendously over the past year (and even more so in the last month!) I started out determined to make this the best experience possible by making myself the best that I could be, improving in the areas I had struggled with in my first go round. I would be fitter, leaner and better able to stand up to the challenges put to me by the cadre of instructors that would be there the next time. I was very concerned with ME, mostly because I wasn’t sure who I could count on.

I was also very concerned with being a good STUDENT, but found that increasingly difficult. I just didn’t seem to have the time. Like Ian and Toni, teaching is the major part of my time at DeSantos, leaving very little time at the dojang for training. Again, in finding a way on an obscure path this meant that a lot of my training had to be done outside the dojang – and not just the physical part either. I’ve read and collected a wide range of books on the martial arts over the last two years, and they have been part of this journey as well.

Without really meaning to, TEACHING has become the thing that defines my time at DeSantos. When I started I kind of figured it would be something I would do a couple of times a week, teach a sparse class and have some fun. Much to my surprise, I seem to have become a teacher that people respond to, someone who people listen to, someone whose classes are sought out and someone who is given a great deal of respect – all of which is quite astonishing. I have always struggled in my life to believe in myself, and to accept that there are people in this world who look up to me, believe in me and love me. Finding my classes well attended, or having people come up to me after class grinning and thanking me for training them has at times been a bit disconcerting.

All of which is why by March Break this year I realized that my expectations for Power Weekend had changed. A year ago I wanted to be the best physically that I had ever been. Now I realize that either that is not achievable, or actually is not a worthy goal. Instead I think my intent has shifted to a devotion to getting the group prepared and through the weekend, and maybe they can give me the support I need to achieve what I want.

(more of the poster still to come, but the whole thing and the booklet is available for viewing at DeSantos. Take the booklet down, sit down and take some time to enjoy it. If you want a copy let me know and I'll print one up for you...)

The Journey Continues

Here's a slice from my Journey to Black Belt Poster (I think I'll release it in serial form...)

My Second Degree Black Belt approaches with alarming speed and still I am wondering if I am ready. I received my black belt at DeSantos in November, 2007 and have been teaching at the school almost ever since. That fact has made my journey to Second Degree a bit different from others – my time and focus are split between being a teacher and being a student, which presents some unique challenges.

The path to second degree is a challenging one often because it is somewhat obscure. From White belt to First degree there is a pretty clear picture laid out for you and instructors to help you learn curriculum, improve technique and increase your fitness. But afterwards almost everyone has to answer a rather difficult question: Now What? “You mean I only need to learn 4 forms in the next couple of years to qualify for second degree? That seems a bit too easy...”

Of course that’s not it at all, but we have to figure that out ourselves. Part of the process of growing into the belt we get to wear, is deciding what we want to make of our time here. And that is difficult for a great many people, which is why I believe that you see a drop off in attendance after people receive their first degrees. I went through my first Power Weekend with 19 other people. I’m going to go through my second Power Weekend with one of them, and there are really only three or four others of that group who are still training regularly at the school. That’s a pretty high attrition rate, but not at all uncommon. It makes the journey a bit harder, because you have fewer people to share it with, fewer people who understand what you are struggling with, and fewer people whose loads you can lessen.

Part 2 coming soon...(or soon to be available for complete viewing at DeSantos Martial Arts Studio, 210 Main Street)

Recovery

Injuries

I seem to post a lot about these recently. Thankfully my own has made a great deal of progress this week: my calf has much greater range of motion, the nature of my pain has changed completely and its severity has decreased substantially. I feel like I am well on my way to recovering and thanks to some help from friends and training partners I now have a stationary bike to help my rehab.

It is interesting that my most recent post dealt a bit with the idea of faith. While I've struggled with faith in God and church for most of my life (and more so recently) the one thing I haven't been struggling with is faith in my recovery. I knew I had injured myself, got good advice, got good treatment, took my recovery seriously and determined to let it have minimal impact on my training and preparation for my black belt test. Thankfully my injury occurred with enough time for me to recover (by making full use of that time). I've learned alot about myself in that time: I can be patient, measured and careful when necessary, as well as confident and determined when I need to be.

It's strange, but if I hadn't been doing martial arts I probably wouldn't have injured myself in the first place. But if I hadn't been doing martial arts, I don't know that I would have had the tools necessary to recover the way that I have. As I keep pointing out to my students, the study of martial arts is full of paradoxes...

Easter thoughts

I know that Easter came and went a few weeks ago now, but I had been struggling with some ideas related to faith and religion around that time and was trying to figure out if there was something worth saying on the blog.

For the weeks leading up to Easter the role of the Catholic hierarchy in the abuse of children was a subject I was following quite closely. My book club had read The Bishop's Man by Linden MacIntyre earlier this year, and some of the issues it raised seemed to be playing out in the news in the weeks leading up to Easter.

I read Andrew Sullivan's blog regularly, and he has confronted the role of the church in abuse of children head on on his blog, with several posts daily on the subject. His faith is central to his life, and so the idea that his church (which is my church as well at times) could do the things it has done disturbs him greatly.

I am not a regular church goer, although I do find that my Catholic upbringing has been central to a foundation of ethics for my life. I don't agree with a great deal of what the church advocates, and struggle with my own sense of faith and belief. But what I have been struggling with most recently is not a question of faith, but of what I see as simple morality. I truly believe that we have a moral obligation to protect not just our children, but all children. In this the Catholic church not only failed miserably, but actually gave shelter and aid to those who damaged and abused the people who deserved our protection.

The church seems to have taken the road of protecting abusive priests in order to preserve itself. To me it is not even a question of whether these people should remain in the priesthood, but rather why are they not charged, convicted and put in prison instead of being shuttled between parishes.

All of this, and the 'spin' I kept coming across from the Catholic hierarchy was making it very hard for me to want to step into a church at Easter -- I haven't been going to church much this year anyways because of my training, but I was determined to go for the high holiday. I ended up being glad I did, because our parish priest did something I had yet to hear from any other person in authority in the church. His homily directly addressed the issue, and he took responsibility for the 'sins' of the church. His hope was that by confronting the issue we could at least start to heal. I was glad I went, and glad that I heard him. Unfortunately I haven't heard anything similar from anyone else, which depresses me.

I don't know if I can live a life of faith. But I'll keep wondering and wandering and let you know how I'm doing.

Update

My injury is coming along nicely and many, many thanks to Tim Marshall, my chiro who is helping me tremendously.

I have been thinking about several things recently -- the Catholic church and child molesting, nuclear disarmament, the quest for truth, how to recover properly from semi-serious injury, what is the nature of teaching, how good a writer Rawi Hage is, and how my kids make me laugh and smile. Each of these things deserve their own post, and I am going to try and get to each of them over the next few days.

In the meantime, enjoy this video, it really speaks about the nature of today's workplace (at least in my experience).

Why You Can’t Work at Work Jason Fried Big Think

Injury update

Ouch.

I know, that's not much of an update, but it pretty much covers it. Just to get you caught up, I tore my calf at the last grading at DeSantos -- this has been confirmed by my chiropractor. The bruising has started to dissipate, but the muscle has this very bad habit of contracting quite painfully and not wanting to loosen up. This really limits my mobility and ability to train.

I have found the things that I can do: push ups, pull ups, planks and ab exercises. I also think I can do some seated resistance training which I'm going to try next week. But, I can't run or do anything with my leg. Walking is quite painful, as I can't fully extend my foot/lower leg.

I've told my chiro that I have 35 days (less now) until my black belt test. He thinks he can help me get my calf functioning by then, but it is somewhat dependent on my own healing ability. On Thursday he gave me an acupuncture treatment with some electrical current which gave the muscle some passive stimulation and allowed the fluid that had gathered in the tissues to be pumped out. But the aftermath of that treatment was that the next few days have been quite sore -- my calf takes a long time to loosen up and often knots up if I keep it in the same position for too long. I'll be seeing him frequently for the next little while - twice next week and then we'll see how it goes.

On the upside, he doesn't think I did any damage to my Achilles tendon, which would be much worse -- tendons take much longer to heal than muscle, mostly due to the reduced amount of bloodflow into the tissue. So, if you have to damage something in your lower leg, take an injury to a calf muscle over tendon, ligament or bone damage.

I am surprisingly not pissed off about this (which really astonishes me.) I am very frustrated, and tired of my leg hurting, but anger and disappointment are not what I am feeling. I made a decision a while ago that nothing was going to interfere with my black belt test, and this is just one more thing that is not going to interfere with it. It will make it interesting though...